Awesomely Me

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Whilst I’m sat here writing, half in a puddle of tea (fortunately herbal and unsweetened) and nearly over feeling ropey from lunch, I revel in another layer of, it’s all about me.  Also in the happening today, complete organisational fail as I wasted 3 hours not having my optician appointment (long story, long day!); forgot to invite/remind attendees to come to the class I also spent hours navigating my day towards (rather than being home and more productive) and, bought lunch from a Thai food chain which wound up making me feel sick due to it’s MSG broth, having paid £8 for the pleasure of said broth plus a few wet noodles and 3 slices of carrot..  I knew it was going to be rubbish too!

So, not a great day in terms of productivity or organisational prowess, but not a terrible day either.  But, do you know what for me, has actually made it a pretty awesome day (despite the wasted time, failed appointment, food induced sickness, wasted money and lost wages); it’s awesome because,

I am completely cool with myself for f*cking up.

Me 1 year ago, strewth, me 5 or 10 years ago wouldn’t have let this go.  I would’ve been “So Stupid!“, “A Complete Failure at being functional!“, “Gah, what a moron!” etc.

For some of you reading this, you’ll be all like, “pah, so what?”, to you, those who aren’t too hard on themselves, fabulous, you’re total legends.  For those of you who can relate to this, and who are either recent converts to self-appreciation, regardless of the circumstance, or still on the path of self-awesomeness recognition; this is dedicated to you too.

Celebrate the small victories.

Yay me!

The Way ‘back?’ to Health

The way back to health, or is that, the way to health?  As I’m not sure I’ve been at my best yet..

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Having visited the M&S at Westfield recently, I bought up as many carrots, organic cucumber, organic spinach, lemons, ginger and a couple of other veggies as I could carry, and it’s brought up some questions.

I stand at the check out, my shopping all veggies, lemons and some organic milk to make my kefir with and look around to everyone else’s containing bread, cakes, chocolate, sausages, ice-cream, potato salad and it reminds me of my cravings, when I’ve been at my most unwell.  When you’re healthy sure, enjoy these things on the odd occasion (if your taste desired them when you are healthy is another question!) but if these are in your everyday?..  How was I surviving before?  Why is it that I used to eat so much which I now know can cause me pain and discomfort?

About this time last year, I was getting into good health, bone broth, Kefir, juices (some but not done right for me I now realise), but I let this go due to some personal reasons.  Now, I’m bloated, always tired, have a foggy head, and seem to have intolerance to eating a LOT of different foods (I.e. pain from too much citrus or other fruits, eczema and random spots, constipation and bloating from other seemingly healthy eats, bacteria and yeasts having a party on my insides!), enough is enough.

Detoxes are at a plenty out there but to be honest, my gut instinct is that these aren’t all for me (having a super active job).  Now, the words diet and detox can trigger some pretty whacky or scary ideas.  I’ve had issues eating enough and too much, in the past and detoxes seem to send my sensitive system into shut down, so this time I doing things differently.  If you want to read my definition of a cleanse or a detox, clicky here.

Diet is about the way you eat, not a fad you do for a week or two.  Detoxes don’t have to mean starving yourself, but they do mean having discipline to not intoxicate your system with what can cause it to become disrupted in the first place..

Somatic Unwinding

So far, the experience has been profound.  I’m feeling a need on some level to do some crazy exercise to shake it all up and get back into my past default in questing for muscular strength.  However, having just received a second 1:1 hands on session of Body Mind Centering, from the lead trainer Katy Dymoke, I’m just going to continue to lay on the floor and be with the tangled mess which is my inner body..  This beautifully sweet training, and supporting body work is helping me to unwind the world of pain felt in my body which; I had surrendered to needing to endure forever, now I’m not so sure.

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It’s a crying shame that despite the amount of yoga and Pilates sessions I’ve received that there isn’t more of this information present.  I have just 2 teachers in each discipline whom teach from this perspective.  THIS is what it’s all about, not your abs, your yoga selfies or your legs a kimbo!..  I’m so exhausted, in a good way, hence why this is the only thing I’ve managed to publish through out my so far 2 weeks Somatics training, but more is coming!  Watch this space ..

Day 3 Nervous System, 2nd Session with Katy

Dropping in, listening..

Relearning how to hear.

A deep yearning for these pathways to clear!

To sense in(my)sides,

Of course before sensing the other may fully arise..

Organ support, how to purport?

After a life time of neglect,

6 short years means I’m not quite there yet..

So many feelings, mainly in my gut and head,

To hear, implicitly, impartially,

My body craving this in its totality.

I’m sorry, I’m here now..

No wonder it all hurts, for so long working as a disjunct and abstract organism..

It’s not just you dear muscles, ligaments and bones whom need to hold up this being.

It’s not just you dear organs, fluids and glands, whom cope with digestion, procreation and feeling..

As, all together, a synergy can persist,

Allowing ease, strength and harmony to exist.

Crossed messages, fibres and pain,

Never again can I move the same..

It’s All About Me

Tao2Clearly, there are some people who don’t need to practice being selfish.  Already perhaps enough of It’s All About Me..  I thought I was selfish but I was just scared, I held on tightly to things because being with myself felt impossible to me.  Always wanting to share and be open and generous, but not having lucid enough boundaries, I’d be sharing too much of Me.  Meaning, I would repeatedly finding myself in the position of the door mat, or putting myself down in order to make others feel better in my comparison; and essentially, putting up with far too much crap at the sake of trying to be ‘nice’.

Recent life changes, both imposed and chosen, lead me to setting an intention at this last new moon, intending to make this lunar month ALL ABOUT ME!  Ooooh, bit of an edgy subject for someone whose worried about being too demanding or, for someone in a position which generally gives to others..  My boundaries have been firmly yet flexibly set; imagine elastic brickwork!..  Saying no to any work I’m not sure my energy would appreciate, only going to places or doing things which permit my feeling at ease in myself, scared is fine, healthy at times, but not pressured (not to please or blindly help if it winds up hurting me).  It’s a firm no to impositions on my time (unless I feel it’s worth going with it in the moment), and, challenging the things in my life which had been niggling me – I.e. if I’ve been questioning if they were fully satisfying my worth.

If it backfires and I fall on my face?  So what.  Like any other slightly neurotic person (well, ahem, recovered/ing neurotic), I see the potential to be worried about not being or doing enough to sustain friendships, work opportunities and other walks of life; but something has shifted.  By permitting myself to say no, I no longer feel I need to be concerned about failing.  That doesn’t mean I loose my sense of compassion, respect, humility or love; it means these are all very present but I apply them to myself first; as working authentically with love and respect, one cannot disrespect another, trying to respect the other without first understanding this for ones self is where it all goes tits up.

If you don’t get a result which was aimed for, a smile you were trying to impress for or that amazeballs gig you trained for, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means it wasn’t right for you.  If it doesn’t come with ease (work maybe needed, but not being pushy or overly insistent) then it’s not meant for your here and now.  Similar to spreading yourself too thin for others is simply doing something you don’t need to, somehow distorting the balance of what others need to perhaps learn to do for themselves..

A shortened version of this extract from the Tao keeps running in my head – do nothing and nothing is to be undone, but the whole is quite wonderful and explains with grace and fewer words what this month is about for me:

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Tao Te Ching – Lao Tzu – chapter 38

A truly good man is not aware of his goodness,
And is therefore good.
A foolish man tries to be good,
And is therefore not good.

A truly good man does nothing,
Yet nothing is left undone.
A foolish man is always doing,
Yet much remains to be done

When a truly kind man does something, he leaves nothing undone.
When a just man does something, he leaves a great deal to be done.
When a disciplinarian does something and no one responds,
He rolls up his sleeves in an attempt to enforce order

Therefore when Tao is lost, there is goodness.
When goodness is lost, there is kindness.
When kindness is lost, there is justice.
When justice is lost, there is ritual.
Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.
Knowledge of the future is only a flowery trapping of the Tao.
It is the beginning of folly.

Therefore the truly great man dwells on what is real
and not what is on the surface,
On the fruit and not the flower,
Therefore accept the one and reject the other.

Taken from – http://www.wussu.com/laotzu/laotzu38.html

Less Like Hard Work

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I’ve been working with an intention for the last 3 weeks to not work so hard.  I know I know!  My work is on a freelance basis, therefore one needs to work really hard to make it happen (it’s ok mum, I’m doing great with work)..  Getting places on time.  Being in a committed relationship, this too requires work, and, personal development plays a big part in my life, always working hard to be the best I can be.  Friendships require effort and attention, and so does physical yoga and Pilates practice, Meditation and studying a nutritionist diploma.  Life can be hard work!

Any of that sound familiar?!

So here’s where things have started to shift for me and how not working so hard has been the ultimate blessing for my productivity and creativity..  I regularly go for 1:1 sessions with the wonderful Kate Ellis (look her up for amazingness in and around deep yoga journeying), and one thing she observed, which I now feel I observe in many around me, is the drive to work really hard!  To be strong and make things happen!

I grew up with the mantra to work hard for what I wanted, be that physical achievements, work, studies or relationships.  Reflecting, I’ve achieved really well from my degree, several decent jobs and many other qualifications now under my belt; I’ve been married for over 2 years and I feel I have a beautiful set of friends I love and appreciate.  I worked F-ing hard to get to where I am now, sitting in my yoga dojo in my warm and lovely home; and I’m grateful for all my hard work and that of those around me to help me get to here.  However, I’m now learning, there is a different way…

Downfalls of working excessively hard: Fatigue, tiredness, stress (leading to development of Crohn’s disease for me), control issues, sore and tight muscles and generally an absence of the lightness in life.

It doesn’t have to be this way..

So, this last 3 weeks experiment of not working so hard have been some of the hardest 3 weeks of my life to date!  Learning to let go, properly let go of things, express what bothers me (rather than swallow it and tell myself I need to work harder to avoid certain feelings) be open to opportunities but stop trying to make so much work and happen all at once; being able to trust that I do have enough work, more is coming to me and that I teach awesome classes and am a great friend and wife without having to spend so much energy.  Among the challenge and the bouts of major anxiety I can finally feel not working so hard working for me..  Life is unfolding in a much more natural way and my own practice and teaching have just spun off to a whole new level of awareness and spaciousness; holding a space rather than trying to fill it with the best solutions I could find.  Friends and relationships will stay if they’re meant to be, meeting up with someone doesn’t need to be a chour but an easy meeting when and where paths are crossing and vibrations resonate.

Does any of this echo for you?  Are you exhausted with life?  Try taking a step back and let it come to you.  Trust me, as a freelancer getting over an unhealthy relationship with money and self worth, it’s hard not chasing every lead; but relaxing, trusting and staying more open and focused to the now, has invited in more work and better clients than I could have found marching the streets of London for 10 years, wearing a body poster.  Lol, funny but unnecessary image.

Watch, Listen and Learn from yourself.  Stop forcing that yoga posture, stop forcing yourself to perform like a circus monkey.  Be full present in Each and Every Moment.  Honor your softer side in balance and harmony with your harder edge..

With love xxx

P.s. I don’t mean stop getting out of bed, turning up for work or calling your friends!  Apply effort that feels nourishing.  Be kind to you.

Turmeric, the wonder spice

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Turmeric (Curcuma longa) has been renowned for it’s anti-inflammatory and healing properties for thousands of years.  It’s a relative of ginger and can come in its fresh root form or more commonly as a dried powder.  Both the oil and the yellow-orange pigment (curcumin) parts of tumeric have been much researched and have been found to have significant anti-inflammatory effects, as well as anti-oxidative, antiseptic, antibacterial and antifungal effects; especially the curcumin.

Additionally, turmeric contains essential minerals Manganese, Iron , Copper and Potassium, as well as Vitamin B6.

Anti-inflammatory medicines (herbal and pharmaceutical) work by helping to decrease swelling.  Swelling is the bodies reaction to tissue damage, this swelling reaction causes increased electrical activity to occur at your nerve endings and thus can increase pain felt.  Research has shown turmeric can be effective to help manage:

  • Osteoarthritis (possibly rheumatoid also but less research on this)
  • IBD: intestinal bowel disease (Crohns and colitis)
  • Depression
  • Gloated/gassy/painful stomach or intestines
  • Headaches

How to use it – Quantity (I never measure but appreciate some do):

  • Fresh root: 1.5 – 3 g per day
  • Dried root powder:  1/2 to 1 tsp per day for general health, I’ve been using a lot more when having active Crohns; but like everything – start modest and check with your doctor if you suspect any untoward reactions are occurring.

You can also buy it as it’s separate oil and curacumin counterparts, if so then reduce the amount slightly as it will potentially be more concentrated.

Methodology:

  • Make a paste* to use as desired
  • Put 1/2 tsp per person into meals when cooking

Studies have shown that turmeric raw and on it’s own not only tastes gak but, its potency is pretty meagre.  I’ve had friends just dumping a teaspoon in tea or milk, trust me, read on and you can make a tasty and much more effective drink or snack with ease.

The turmeric needs to be combined with black pepper, lemon juice, and/or a fat to increase it’s bioavailability and potency hence, making a paste is a super easy way to have a ready supply of turmeric available with maximum efficacy in reaching and helping your blood, digestion and any stressed out body parts in need.

Tumeric Paste Recipe:

Again, I find rough approximations work fine, if you’re making this chances are you’ve been stressing enough already!  Tip, it can be a bit messy, wear an apron 😉

  • 1 Part Tumeric Powder
  • 4 Parts Water
  • Good dose of black pepper ground in
  • Optional coconut oil can be added whilst cooking or after cooking add coconut, olive, flax or hemp oil to your preference
  • Other spices you’re working with, ginger can be good for digestive issues (for some), cardamoms, coriander seed, cumin (I’m not a fan of cumin but some find this works out well), garlic.
    • All of the above suggestions can be added during the cooking process, garlic sometimes is better raw, go with your guts

Put water, turmeric, black pepper and other optional extras in a pan, cook/simmer it for a minimum of 10 minutes.  It’ll make a paste and thicken.  Use immediately or leave to cool in some clean jars and store in the fridge for up to a few weeks (unless of course it seems to go manky before).

Recipes!

Tumeric Latte (great for winter!)

  • 1 – 4 tsps. turmeric paste
  • Cup of milk (your choice of milk, whatever makes you happy and feel good, stress free 😉 )
  • Honey to taste (raw of course is best if possible)
  • Optional coconut oil (find it’s the most complimenting out of potential oils)
  • Little more black pepper, depending on how much was added at time of making the paste, I like it spicy

Heat paste, few grinds of black pepper, and milk in a pan (not microwave, obvious reasons),  add the oil and honey once in the mug.  Stir it, taste it, add more honey maybe! 😉

Turmeric Tea (lighter version, summer vibes)

  • 1 – 4 tsps. turmeric paste
  • boiled water
  • Juice of 1/4 or 1/2 lemon, try it
  • Optional coconut oil (find it’s the most complimenting out of potential oils)
  • Bruised fresh ginger
  • Little more black pepper, depending on how much was added at time of making the paste, I like it spicy

 

The quick and easy method I like for this is to peel and bash a smallish finger of ginger, put it into a mug; add freshly boiled water, stir in some paste and squeeze in half a lemon.  Done.

I have friends who taught me about this who leave out the paste part and put it all in a pan and cook it up as and when.  Something like:

Add turmeric (one way to work with fresh turmeric and to not bother needing to grate it and stain your hands yellow for a week!), cumin, coriander seed, (or not, however you like it), fresh garlic and ginger, and ground black pepper into a pan.  Heat it all up for a minimum of 10 minutes.  Add the watery part to your mug and squeeze in some lemon juice, add some coconut oil here too if that’s your bag.

Simple!

I share this not as a fad but because I know this works!  Since my gastroenterologist suggested turmeric to me about 7 years ago I’ve made a point of using and investigating it’s benefits when I’ve had flare ups of the Crohns.  This has been an un-crippling pain reliever to say the least.  Hope it helps 😉

 

Some resources if you want to read more 😉