Tag: Me

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Awesomely Me

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Whilst I’m sat here writing, half in a puddle of tea (fortunately herbal and unsweetened) and nearly over feeling ropey from lunch, I revel in another layer of, it’s all about me.  Also in the happening today, complete organisational fail as I wasted 3 hours not having my optician appointment (long story, long day!); forgot to invite/remind attendees to come to the class I also spent hours navigating my day towards (rather than being home and more productive) and, bought lunch from a Thai food chain which wound up making me feel sick due to it’s MSG broth, having paid £8 for the pleasure of said broth plus a few wet noodles and 3 slices of carrot..  I knew it was going to be rubbish too!

So, not a great day in terms of productivity or organisational prowess, but not a terrible day either.  But, do you know what for me, has actually made it a pretty awesome day (despite the wasted time, failed appointment, food induced sickness, wasted money and lost wages); it’s awesome because,

I am completely cool with myself for f*cking up.

Me 1 year ago, strewth, me 5 or 10 years ago wouldn’t have let this go.  I would’ve been “So Stupid!“, “A Complete Failure at being functional!“, “Gah, what a moron!” etc.

For some of you reading this, you’ll be all like, “pah, so what?”, to you, those who aren’t too hard on themselves, fabulous, you’re total legends.  For those of you who can relate to this, and who are either recent converts to self-appreciation, regardless of the circumstance, or still on the path of self-awesomeness recognition; this is dedicated to you too.

Celebrate the small victories.

Yay me!

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I Just Don’t Feel Like It

I Just Don't Want To Do It

I Just Don't Want To Do It

I Just Don’t Feel Like It.  Would missing that class be a total abomination of my physique, training, or education?  Would not going out with my friends, making me a bad friend, a recluse, or to never meet my match?..  What happens when I don’t feel like doing what’s on the agenda?   Would missing all those things affect me in a negative way?

So far, by ditching what I don’t feel like (even if it’s a last minute change of heart) and taking the time to listen to what I do want to do; I’ve gained ridiculous energy for other, previously neglected areas of my life.  For example, finding new interests, fixing my bike, contact with family and old friends, taking better care of myself, and more in depth research into the niggles which have been bothering me for years.

The I Just Don’t Feel Like It scenario I’ve recognised when working with clients too, as I work partially in the fitness industry, and it’s here people want to be pushed and pushed to achieve and do more.  You name it, it’s on the table, better buns, abs, biceps, smaller waist..  I don’t consider my teaching as fitness per se, but Pilates and yoga are both tied up in it in our society, and I’ve been constantly doubting if I push my clients enough, especially in group classes..  My thinking is, if you have the energy there to pay attention and apply yourself to a situation, THEN You’ll do the work, if you don’t, then maybe take the time to rest?  Give your best to a situation you feel like applying yourself to, though this might be hardcore napping or having tea with friends. I’d suggest, anything that isn’t wasting energy by staring into a screen..  Work with good form, not in a half assed kinda gonna do something..  In my opinion, that’s just time wasting.

Why can’t we do our best and when we need to, take a rest so we can evaluate if we need to keep going or, change track?  Why do we have to run ourselves into the ground and rely on caffeine, supplements and other people to get us going?  Why can’t we tune into our innate intelligence and realise what it is that we do have energy for?

The more we leave ourselves to NOT do the things we don’t feel like, the more we come to understand WHAT it is that we do feel like doing.  When you keep doing things because you think you ‘should’, they act as distractions from the things which may otherwise ignite our enthusiasm to be proactive and get out into the world; however that looks for each individual.   It might feel a bit messy at first, but trust yourself, that if you don’t feel like doing something or going somewhere, then there’s another part of life waiting for you to discover it..  Of course, this isn’t going to work for everyone, I’m still investigating what it is when people are so called ‘Lazy’, as I’ve never been considered as lazy, to me it seems like hardcore procrastination; perhaps fear based, but that’s a whole other topic..

I’d love to hear any comments…

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It’s All About Me

Tao2Clearly, there are some people who don’t need to practice being selfish.  Already perhaps enough of It’s All About Me..  I thought I was selfish but I was just scared, I held on tightly to things because being with myself felt impossible to me.  Always wanting to share and be open and generous, but not having lucid enough boundaries, I’d be sharing too much of Me.  Meaning, I would repeatedly finding myself in the position of the door mat, or putting myself down in order to make others feel better in my comparison; and essentially, putting up with far too much crap at the sake of trying to be ‘nice’.

Recent life changes, both imposed and chosen, lead me to setting an intention at this last new moon, intending to make this lunar month ALL ABOUT ME!  Ooooh, bit of an edgy subject for someone whose worried about being too demanding or, for someone in a position which generally gives to others..  My boundaries have been firmly yet flexibly set; imagine elastic brickwork!..  Saying no to any work I’m not sure my energy would appreciate, only going to places or doing things which permit my feeling at ease in myself, scared is fine, healthy at times, but not pressured (not to please or blindly help if it winds up hurting me).  It’s a firm no to impositions on my time (unless I feel it’s worth going with it in the moment), and, challenging the things in my life which had been niggling me – I.e. if I’ve been questioning if they were fully satisfying my worth.

If it backfires and I fall on my face?  So what.  Like any other slightly neurotic person (well, ahem, recovered/ing neurotic), I see the potential to be worried about not being or doing enough to sustain friendships, work opportunities and other walks of life; but something has shifted.  By permitting myself to say no, I no longer feel I need to be concerned about failing.  That doesn’t mean I loose my sense of compassion, respect, humility or love; it means these are all very present but I apply them to myself first; as working authentically with love and respect, one cannot disrespect another, trying to respect the other without first understanding this for ones self is where it all goes tits up.

If you don’t get a result which was aimed for, a smile you were trying to impress for or that amazeballs gig you trained for, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means it wasn’t right for you.  If it doesn’t come with ease (work maybe needed, but not being pushy or overly insistent) then it’s not meant for your here and now.  Similar to spreading yourself too thin for others is simply doing something you don’t need to, somehow distorting the balance of what others need to perhaps learn to do for themselves..

A shortened version of this extract from the Tao keeps running in my head – do nothing and nothing is to be undone, but the whole is quite wonderful and explains with grace and fewer words what this month is about for me:

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Tao Te Ching – Lao Tzu – chapter 38

A truly good man is not aware of his goodness,
And is therefore good.
A foolish man tries to be good,
And is therefore not good.

A truly good man does nothing,
Yet nothing is left undone.
A foolish man is always doing,
Yet much remains to be done

When a truly kind man does something, he leaves nothing undone.
When a just man does something, he leaves a great deal to be done.
When a disciplinarian does something and no one responds,
He rolls up his sleeves in an attempt to enforce order

Therefore when Tao is lost, there is goodness.
When goodness is lost, there is kindness.
When kindness is lost, there is justice.
When justice is lost, there is ritual.
Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.
Knowledge of the future is only a flowery trapping of the Tao.
It is the beginning of folly.

Therefore the truly great man dwells on what is real
and not what is on the surface,
On the fruit and not the flower,
Therefore accept the one and reject the other.

Taken from – http://www.wussu.com/laotzu/laotzu38.html

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Voice it (expletive content)

meehha

I thought I had my voice, for 30 years I was at least sure of that..  However until recently I didn’t quite realise how much I was holding back..

When laughing I remember my full volume coming out, a few loud cackles until I stopped the sound with self doubt..

I guess on the rare occasion my full expression maybe heard, but not during those frequent times when I was too scared to say if I was stressed or disturbed..

Thinking I’m not worthy of voicing my discomfort, thinking I’m just sensitive, and these nuances I should simply put up with..

From the rat race demanding we all go at the same space and pace, to bankers and politicians who make this country a disgrace..

A higher rent, than most can earn; maybe if more of us find our voices, the tables will turn?!

I’m not too sure if this is more of a female thing, worrying about what others will think.. What will they think about my expression so raw??. But I’m in deep need to stop suppressing this roaaarr!

“Better out than in” is what I keep imagining, yet so far from where I had been living..

I’m angry as fuck.  Fuck fuck fuck!  I’m not that human who simply puts up..

The method to release this madness, hmmm where to begin.   Maybe throw caution into the wind..

Still, I don’t know, how to let it go; how to get more in line with MY voice and my flow..  Mindful movement is where I shall start, mindful not to just use the head but also the heart..

From holding back, the lesson I’ve learnt, express how you feel and the less you’ll get burnt!

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Mindfulness & Meditation

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What is Meditation?  How do you ‘do’ meditation?  What is mindfulness?

I want to clear my mind, so why do I want to be mind-full more than now?!..

I don’t have time to sleep, let alone meditate!..  It all sounds a bit stressful?!..  ..Anything sound familiar?

I guess the best place to begin, is to highlight, for me, what the benefits of meditation are.  Of course, this will vary from person to person, but I’ll substantiate with some science from studies further down the page; as there seems to be much correlation with what the scientists are finding and what, I, as an individual, am living..

  • Better focus and concentration on task in hand.  I.e. able to cut some veggies up, without cutting myself..
  • Feel calmer, able to manage ‘stress’ more easily
  • Not so worried about what others think of me
  • Getting to sleep easier and better
  • Improved relationship with myself and my body
  • Better relationships with other people
  • Enhanced creativity and allowing my own ‘spark’ to shine

..Thus, to name but a few reasons why life feels better since including mindfulness meditation into my personal practices..

Mindfulness seems to be the meditation technique to best suit my personality, so far; from what I’ve explored meditation wise.  There are many other techniques one can use to get to know ones self, different techniques to suit different people at different times; as if a specific technique doesn’t feel right, listen to that inner voice and change course if necessary.  As Ekhart Tolle describes in his book, “The Power of Now”, everything is about this moment; whatever it is we’re feeling, living, exploring, it all happens right now, and mindfulness is a great way to get you into that space of the Now.

Through being mindful, we can pay attention to what is going on internally, in each moment, and therefore respond to external events in a way which is more congruent to our core beliefs; rather than perhaps to fall into habitual patterns and not knowing what is right for us.

Paying attention to the present moment not only helps our response abilities, but it also gets you out of worries, regrets, fears, anxieties and judgments.  None of these exist in the present moment, right now, how are you?  Where are you now?  Why worry about what’s not happened  yet, or, what you can’t change from past happenings.  When living in this moment, worry cannot exist.  Judgement comes from comparison and unseen dark corners of ourselves, by highlighting these corners, and taking time to presently explore how you feel about certain things, let emotions run their course, and, bring a whole new wealth of understanding of yourself, to yourself.

Mindfulness in the moment = You + Extra Space + Extra Time = Relief from the confines of the thoughts in your mind

Have a holiday from self-limiting beliefs and raise the roof on what you think is possible for you…  Breathe..

Resources:

 

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Easy Breathing Meditation, Relaxation

breathin med

This breathing meditation is simple to do yet effective at its head-space creation capabilities.. You can vary the length/counts for your breathing to suit you in that moment..  It’s also a great pre-cursor to the Yogic Breath technique.

Meditation or Mindfulness can help you to:

  • Feel calmer, happier and more content
  • Sleep better
  • Be more able to deal with difficult situations
  • Increase attention span
  • Have improved immunity, better health and less signs of aging (as are bi-products with stress reduction techniques naturally)

Safety points, if you suffer from heart conditions, are pregnant then it is NOT advised that you hold your breath between your inhale and exhale, otherwise, see how it feels and only include it if it works for you in any given moment…  Also, always inhale through your nose, to allow for better filtration of the air you intake, especially when in built up urban areas. Optimally, also exhale through your nose but this need not be so strict.

How to :

  1. Sit comfortably, preferably on a thick cushion or pillow on the floor.  If your knees don’t allow this then sit in a chair but with your spine self supporting, away from the back of the chair, or lay down on a mat or rug – or, of course, standing or walking can work too – main point is that your spine wants to be softly straight.
  2. As you breathe in, count how long your inhale takes.  As you breathe out, count your exhale duration too.  Do this for a few rounds of breath to get an idea of your normal.  You want to aim to fill up and empty your lungs with each breath a bit more each time until you reach your comfortable capacity.
  3. Next we want to lengthen and moderate the inhalations and exhalations.  Aiming to make them both the same count can help to regulate not just the breath but your awareness about how much and how quickly you take things in and how you let them go again.  A good starting point might be:
    • Breathe in (inhale) through the nose and down into your belly for a count of 3,
    • Breathe out (exhale), completely empty your lungs, through the nose for a count of 3.
      (I.e. Count to 3 in your head, slowly whilst you’re breathing..)
  4. After a few breaths if it feels OK then extend your breathing to a count of 4 inhaling and 4 exhaling.
    • If filling your belly and emptying your lungs doesn’t happen for you at first then play with it.  It may feel strange to begin with, but, if it feels too hard, not beneficial, or you get a headache; try making less effort with it, keep the practice simple and easy!..
  5. Repeat this pattern for at least a further 10 cycles (don’t worry if you loose count of something, it all takes practice, be kind to your learning process)
  6. To advance (if none of the conditions mentioned above):
    • Pause your breathing after you’ve filled your lungs.  Hold your breath for half the count of your inhale.  E.g. Inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4.  Hold for 1, 2.  Exhale for 1, 2, 3, 4..
    • And/Or extend the count for each part of the breath to a point you can manage easily. In more advanced yogic practices the ratios of inhale, exhale and holds do vary, so if you feel comfortable then be playful with this practice.  If you’re unsure it’s always best to seek some face to face guidance from a teacher you trust to check your technique, as we’re not all made the same, therefore it’s not one glove fits all for something as vital as our breathing..

Personally, I do this while on the train, walking, i.e. Pairing the count with my steps or, waiting in line or before any situation which might feel frustrating or bring me anxiety.  Or simply to remind me about the here and now.. This is my intention at least lol, as being human and fabulously imperfect, life doesn’t always happen as planned 😉

And that’s it, your mindful and meditating..!  Be kind to yourself and if you get frustrated trying to do this then keep it simple and take it back to counting your natural breath pattern with no intent to change it, simply count it.

Get out of your head! 😉

Love

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Flow

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There’s something I feel is repressing,

Something trying to limit my expressing..

But in yoga my words can flow, like there’s no limits above or below;

When I try to structure my sentence for basic instruction,

That’s where I meet with my ugly obstruction..

 

I love to dance with the rhythm of each sound,

Finding it can be quite profound..

To express ones own uniqueness, showing of ourselves simply our best;

Rather than working to always be so concise,

My brain bores quickly trying make speech overly precise..

 

I live in colour,

What’s the point in anything other?..

Everything in my world seems more bright, each time I give up this outward internal fight..

If one could simply express without fear or feeling disturbed,

Perhaps my communications would be less perturbed?..

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I want to be me: Unadulterated Expression

I want to be me

I want to be me,

Not who you want to be,

Or who they want to be.

Just me.

 

With the chance of free expression,

Finding my passion,

I’ve no need for fashion,

Because I’ve got taste.

It might not be your taste,

It may look out of place,

But that’s fine.

 

Perfect imperfection,

Individual satisfaction,

Self -aware

Unadulterated expression.

 

Yours and mine,

Hers and his,

In this time,

They’re all fine.

 

TOGETHER,

Forever,

Mixing it up.

Interlinking, interweaving our different chemistry structures.

 

This space and time,

It’s our prime.

 

Time moving faster than ever,

We’ve ALL got to learn to live together –

Humans, sheep, wolves, trees, birds, fish and bees

It feels hard to do but it gets easy you’ll see.

 

We all need each other,

Remember, every man is your brother.

Love one another.

 

Peace x