I Must do my best, I Must finish what I started, I Must say the right thing, I Must have the right clothes, I Must clean the flat, I Must take care of others, I Must pay my bills, I Must give all I can to those who need me/it, I Must look my best, I Must be a good person, I Must sort my hair out, I Must eat the right things, I Must have a good time, I Must quit XXX, I Must do my work, I Must do the shopping, I Must keep smiling, I Must make some dinner, I Must say thank you, I Must be healthy in body and mind, and I Must do it all NOW!
This is what occasionally runs through my head. Well, when I say occasionally, I mean it used to be every 2 seconds, now, when I keep up regular yoga and meditation practices, it’s closer to every day or so. My intention is to eventually let go of trying to hold everything together so rigidly; to relax, and respond to each situation as it happens (most of these Musts, seem pretty ridiculous when I see them all listed like that!).
The difficulty for me, is finding the balance between preparing for life and allowing life to happen.
Looking at and listening to people out there helps me to realise; it’s not just me who can get overwhelmed and sometimes missing the point about being alive. Some people may call this depression, I call it learning how to live life to the fullest. Something schools don’t have on their curriculum at present?
It’s the people I love (and who I probably hurt the most), whose reactions to me, allow me to see a mirror for where I keep tripping myself up; reminding my why I got into yoga so strongly, and why it’s so much more than just a physical strengthener. Thank you all, I consider myself blessed.
In conclusion, my main hope by sharing my muddled head, is possibly to give confidence to any other fickle headed persons reading this, that there are things you can do to empower yourself, every day, and live your life – beyond getting through a mental to do list.
Do you have a list of Musts? If you do, maybe, try writing them down and seeing which are actually musts right Now? If this seems to much, if you’ve been given the label of depressed and want help to shake it, maybe find out a local yoga or meditation teacher or a counsellor; these guys are worth their weight in gold, diamonds, and raw cacao. An authentic yoga or meditation practice, in any form, enables you to see these Musts popping up in your head, and then, by breathing through it, can help you to maintain your position in the now. Therefore, coming into your own realisation that, these musts don’t own you; they’re not important for your immediate survival. Remembering, that you are capable of living better once you release what doesn’t serve you in this moment and relax into your own self and time.