Category: Yoga

Posted on

Fighting with Myself

fighting with myself

I am another you
You are another me

When I fight with you, I’m really just fighting with myself.
I said that this week and I truly meant it.
There was a time that I’d hear such words and wonder about on what drugs someone had to be on to say something so bizarre.

Yesterday, I was on my way home from my 6th and so far, most intense BMC (Body Mind Centering) course and was met with the most surreal realisations. Typing this up the morning after, I’m still with the lingering sense that something big has shifted open..

Seeing in all the people around me, parts of myself..
Those traits and attributes I see in others which can make me feel warm and fluffy, and like want to hug them. Or those traits which make me feel beautiful, as in when I watch someone truly in their body and their experience and move so gracefully and with such mastery and I want to identify with these movers.
However, then there’s witnessing someone being overly expressive or sensitive, which hits my nerves and maybe I become annoyed or frustrated to be close to this. Someone with greasy hair and smelling unwashed (much like me after some 9 days of rolling around in the floor, getting up early and late to bed), and how when I see these traits I try to disown this person from being anywhere near me, so abstract to how I’d like to identify.

Yet still, in a place with an open mind, I realise; they all are me, or is it that I am all of them..

Observing myself on the bus this Monday morning past, petty words exchanged with someone tutting their annoyance of me moving into their space, (as I tried to make more space for others getting on the bus into the then discovered unwidened space I supposed of those who alighted) which I challenged. In reflection, If in that moment, I hadn’t felt petty or feisty in my early morning rattled mind, then I wouldn’t have cared. This man was reflecting back to me that petty argumentative side of myself and if I would have retorted beyond the few words I’d have said, to justify my actions, I’d be calling him the names that I could be called too.

With all those things in people I see which I love, and I loathe, I see those parts in me, and recognise how much and how deeply I can move between loving and loathing myself. After so much ‘work’ and attention been and being paid to be as authentic with myself as possible, it still strikes me when one of these shadows or unseen edges flare-up.

It’s so easy to blame the other, as in, I can’t keep away from them, I love them too much, or I couldn’t help trying to destroy them as I loathe them, (they’re so wrong or different to how I see me – extreme scenarios one can see in more worldly situations too). Hence, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be working and studying with such a community as I am: Katy, who is the BMC course director in the UK deserves a medal of honour to hold a space so much that shame, pride, ego and fear doesn’t get in the way of truly seeing not just a deeper part of one’s self on the physical (ie the skeletal system) but in all the parts of Mind and experience which we touch in these studies and discoveries.

I’ve heard before, biased against going into yourself, but I don’t mean narcissism, but to unearth the tough shadow parts whilst celebrating our more beautiful points. As it is my opinion that until we SEE and ACCEPT our whole selves, we can’t authentically do that with anyone else either (thinking healthy relationships). I’m surely still travelling a long road but if my physical and emotional health is anything to go by, this is certainly a path worth to travel

Thanks to all my teachers. From the humans to the trees, those little pesky flies that constantly compel me to swat them, and of course, to all those interested to share this journey.

Posted on

Spring equinox

Spring equinox

Equal time split between the night and the day, and being that it’s spring here in the NH, it’s also owing to the lessening of the cold and dark to make way for the sun’s growing journey which started back on December 21st with the solstice.
It ought be warmer and lighter than then, but not always do things flow as expected.

I feel that mother earth has been throwing a few curve balls our way in a bid to bring more light to the situations caused by a lack of education and balance within the world. Even for myself, I wish to know more about how to make the best of this planet..

As you’re reading this, even as I’m writing it, ones head is in the screen, as consciously as one can connect with something so artificial still begets the need for connecting with something more real… The trees as they are starting to bud and blossom, the ground as it slowly warms, the whole of nature as it stretches out of its deep, cool slumber..

It’s still my reckoning that we are like other mammals and ought to be able to take time to restore and recharge over winter, sleep more and take stock of the year, making preparations for the next year. As we don’t currently operate in this way, to honour ourselves as living beings, rather than like the robots we create, the next best thing might be to work with the arts and sciences which support our parasympathetic nervous system (ie the one which is our natural state to being but generally becomes unreachable as we forget to slow down, even in children).

If one’s feeling frazzled, or even simply in homage to the Earth, practice yoga, Pilates, take a sound bath, nap, meditate, tai chi, chi gong, a slow walk and take in the park or forest. This will help one to align more with ones natural state (and if you fall asleep, it means you’re in need of it!)

Posted on

Yet Again the Yoga Practice Creeps Up On Me

Some of you will know, some won’t. I’ve been in rehab since May, it was a ‘special’ start to the year and I’m still recovering; although I think this rehab (basic rest and recovery in many facets of life) span is capturing and restoring my body, energy and such from a much deeper and older set of wounds.

Today I awoke with the sun, I have black out style curtains but still, the sun bought me up with him, therefore giving me an hour or so to practice before work. During the past 5 months I’ve practiced physical yoga perhaps twice, kind of, as my injuries have been too loud otherwise.

As I practice simply Uttansana, Trikonasana, Parsvottonasana I get more richness than perhaps ever before. I realise once I’m done, that I’ve been practicing yoga all along, it’s that I’ve been working on the first 2 limbs of the yamas and niyamas. It’s in these first 2 limbs, before the asan, ie physical practice as most people know yoga, that we work on how we treat ourselves in respect to our individual person and in respect to being in society. This is where the foundations are laid.

I read this week about someone criticising yoga for being too self-indulgent and too much of an industry and, I couldn’t agree more. However, IF we all taught as teachers or were taught as students more on these first 2 limbs before the acrobatics (I don’t do acrobatics for my practice by the way, it’s just not for me), I think yoga may have a better vibe, feeling and presence within our o so needy global community right now, especially here in the West.

Thank you yoga practice and teachers, no word of a lie, it really did save and is transforming my life, a little more each and every day x

Posted on

Awesomely Me

DSC_00581

Whilst I’m sat here writing, half in a puddle of tea (fortunately herbal and unsweetened) and nearly over feeling ropey from lunch, I revel in another layer of, it’s all about me.  Also in the happening today, complete organisational fail as I wasted 3 hours not having my optician appointment (long story, long day!); forgot to invite/remind attendees to come to the class I also spent hours navigating my day towards (rather than being home and more productive) and, bought lunch from a Thai food chain which wound up making me feel sick due to it’s MSG broth, having paid £8 for the pleasure of said broth plus a few wet noodles and 3 slices of carrot..  I knew it was going to be rubbish too!

So, not a great day in terms of productivity or organisational prowess, but not a terrible day either.  But, do you know what for me, has actually made it a pretty awesome day (despite the wasted time, failed appointment, food induced sickness, wasted money and lost wages); it’s awesome because,

I am completely cool with myself for f*cking up.

Me 1 year ago, strewth, me 5 or 10 years ago wouldn’t have let this go.  I would’ve been “So Stupid!“, “A Complete Failure at being functional!“, “Gah, what a moron!” etc.

For some of you reading this, you’ll be all like, “pah, so what?”, to you, those who aren’t too hard on themselves, fabulous, you’re total legends.  For those of you who can relate to this, and who are either recent converts to self-appreciation, regardless of the circumstance, or still on the path of self-awesomeness recognition; this is dedicated to you too.

Celebrate the small victories.

Yay me!

Posted on

Autumn has come Early for Me this Year

2015

Autumn has come early for me this year, the summer fun has been overdone..  Yesterday I acknowledged a realisation about the disconnect between head, heart and gut. I recognise this isn’t a issue for some but also that there is a set of us whom find the art of living according to how we feel, that bit harder to hear. Perhaps that’s what I recognise sometimes when there’s a group of ‘yogis’ enter the studio, and I feel a real sense of discord, i.e. some of these people arriving are also feeling such a disconnect..?

The first 4 months of this year seemed to be a constant battle between my head and my heart. I could feel my head trying to get me out of destructive threads, threatening what I’d built at work, home, with friends and in my bank account. Yet my heart wouldn’t let go of wanting to love and be loved, although my gut knew this was all external to myself and therefore somehow still lacking.. I ignored my gut, and went mainly with my heart, until it was that I landed up in hospital; my gut was pissed I’d been disregarding it’s intuitive whispers.

I can hear my heart and it’s fear about stepping out of the romance game for anytime. I can hear my head telling me to keep working for both income and, the physical strength I’ve worked so hard to build up. However, the pleas of my gut (the one I thought I’d ‘fixed’ by probiotics bone broth and healthy eating) now resound louder than ever. Again bloated, inflamed gut and spine, imbalances through out, skin pathologies, intolerant to more and more foods..  It’s time to retreat.

Autumn has come early for me this year. It’s time to retreat and heal from all this head and heart madness.  Those educated in the gut know it rules, from the immune system, the emotions, processing the building blocks of health or rubbish we feed into it to build our cells. Yet, even the word, gut, it’s not sexy, not pretty, makes you think of..? It’s association with defecation and the less attractive traits displayed, generally it’s hidden, vacuum sealed up and shamed..  It’s the most primal and natural part of us, yet why can it be so hard to connect with?

However, in this retreat, the one and only rule is, my gut is allowed to lead the show for the next 6 weeks, I feel with the issues it presents and neglect it’s endured; it’s time I listen and keep the head and the heart on the back burner to rest their voices for a few weeks too. I’ve been juicing for 5 days now (and including regular balanced and nutritious food, just juice and raw doesn’t work for my predominantly vata body type) and including a few extra supplements to really give my body the chance to heal. Thus, if I’m not at festivals, parties, social gatherings please don’t find me rude; I’m on an early drawing in, autumn retreat, some time just for me.

 

xx

Posted on

An acknowledgement to kind people

DSC_0315

Kindness.  Nothing less..

When I was about 17 I was starting to get closer to a long time flirting, high school time sweet heart. Within a couple of weeks, I cheated on him with his good friend, in his place.  I was drunk and stupid, had no idea what I wanted out of a relationship.  Since then, I’ve done a lot of growing up and much therapy work, and thus realise, there’s different end goals you can aim for with relationships, it isn’t about just sex, or a enduring a dull, drab monotony.  Yes, I was a pretty, a hem, very, confused teenager (kinda normal huh..?).

He was angry, but in the long run, I remember this high school sweetheart still being kind to me, and at least treating me like a human, despite my error in actions.

This is one story of many about the people who I’ve acted unkind, selfish or in other ways suboptimally to, when I was younger; and yet, I still received kindness (not to be mistaken for being a pushover, he ditched me there and then, clearly!) from.

It’s funny how now, after having enough of a taste of how that feels, I finally feel like I get the point of being kind… As in, how to and, why one might want to genuinely express kindness. Of course, all spiritual, self-help, religious and other such media profess kindness, but reading about it and consciously acting it feel totally different.

I heard enough times and realised, truly, deeply realised, that you attract what you are and/or what you’re seeking.
Over the years I’ve mostly had great people around me, good energy and such, however, there’s always been that guy and his drama and/or selfishness, or that wild and self-destructive close friend..

I was choosing to have that kind of vibe for my closest relationships, I was being self destructive, treating guys like shit; being a kind person for the most part (debatable!), but, for the deep and meaningful parts, still being quite unkind.

So what’s changed?

Injury, hurt and a lack of kind; plus the flip side of that, being given enough kindness from others. I’m not sure why I was acting in such an mean way, directed both inwards and outwards..  My last relationship was emotionally abusive, it was with a mental guy who’s paranoid and disturbed, mentally controlling and, hearing about his ex’s, if I would’ve stayed around, also physically dangerous too. Although for me, with a tendency to self care too little, the physical damage came all too easily to my sensitive body, through, self neglect.

I was going too fast and kept crashing, not taking time for myself and the more kind, nourishing and nurturing parts and people in my life. But, in hindsight, this was OK. Although yes, of course it would’ve been nice to not have had to endure so much pain to come to this realisation, but the experiences I’ve gained along the way will hopefully keep me in good stead going forwards. If I wouldn’t have had this experience then I wouldn’t be me, and I wouldn’t perhaps be able to connect so well with all those hurt or hurting individuals I know as friends, clients and colleagues.   A friend once said to me, whilst she was telling me a tale about her hard upbringing in South America, “You know, so many people I meet don’t seem to get it, but I can tell you can feel what I’m talking about”, or something along those lines; and this empathy at least for me, makes it all worth it.

So right now, as I nurse my physical (sacrum out of whack, over tight piriformis and hence not able to walk much so back to writing!) and emotional wounds (felt by my enteric/gut nervous system feels a lot of pain, still recovering from past hurt), I’m keen to reflect on how to keep myself free of this extreme self-inflicted need for rehab again…

It’s been the kindness of friends, family, teachers and strangers who have helped me to see how I can get myself together again.
The glimpses of this over the years, when the actions and words of people have exceeded how I treated myself.. When the people I was attracting were perhaps charming on the surface but deep down really hurting and less than loving…

 

 

Posted on

Let’s talk Yoga, not Fashionista, Contortion, or Stretch Fads

This has been one of the hardest things I’ve written, yet.  I’ve spoken to students and other teachers about this many times and the generalisation of the issue I pose, generally, centres around individuals and groups whom from the outside, have a lot in common with I.  Thus, when criticising something which looks so close to home, one has to first have looked long and hard in the mirror – actually, criticising anyone is usually a call to take a long hard look at oneself.  But, let’s talk yoga..

 

However, I’m aware buttons may be pushed for some readers, do comment below, make suggestions for improvement, create a discussion if you disagree or agree.  By no means in this 7 short years I’ve been practicing and studying yoga can I say I have read all the philosophy, solely studied it with intensity or fully embodied it; however, I have had the privilege of having some amazing teachers (taking many forms of actual teachers, students, injuries, etc) and the practice of what has been delivered to me as ‘Yoga’ has literally, saved my life.  The basterdisation of ‘Yoga’ doesn’t feel good to me, it feels the opposite of what I’ve grown with and thus, for current students (including I), future students and many more beings in and around this practice; I feel a need to challenge some of the bullshittery around the Westernised version also known as ‘Yoga’, or Voga or WTF ever..
yogaaa

 

I was teaching less and less ‘yoga’ last year, still had a couple of consistent classes and clients but generally; I had been put off even telling anyone I teach it, even today my introduction doesn’t include ‘yoga teacher’ due to the connotations around that being in their abundance.  My practices continues to evolve, in a profound way, this too can make it hard to share and sometimes, one needs to take time to fully embody what it is that’s happening as the internal and external world change alongside the practice, thus being mindful to not share a confused message..  Of the yoga classes I teach, it’s taken a long while to move into a place (with some of the regulars) where the space is available to offer more alternative ways to be in Asan (the ‘steady’, comfortable postures), allowing in the potential to drop concepts and conditionings around the general consideration about harder, faster and stronger being the better or only way.. 

 

The other reason I’ve found it hard to teach and focused more with Pilates has been this portrayal of the skinny/slim white girl bending over backwards, posing on Instagram, putting legs behind the head and calling it yoga.  Even to view some websites when I’m looking for workshops to attend, WTF – really, why would I want to learn yoga from this person making shapes but somehow feels so far removed from the practice?..  Where’s the self-love and reflection?..

 

OK, so what makes me any different?  Why criticise this?  I’m different because I don’t give a fuck TBH about how my hair looks in asan, I’m not going to buy into the £100 legging fad, my main care is comfort not contort.  I don’t have an Instagram account and I don’t see the point to post endless selfies trying to prove something.  I did make a demo video a couple of years ago to help a friend with a project and have had requests to make them by other friends and companies, so I’m working on it, but I really don’t understand how you can transpire some of the teachings via non-face to face, energy to energy contact..?  But let’s see, this isn’t a diss on technology!

 

I’ve heard so much from students, studio managers and other teachers about people getting taught ‘yoga’ by someone doing a headstand in front of the class before they’ve even begun, ‘the young 20 something slim girl coming back from a 200 hour training and taking all the yoga teaching jobs’, students getting Pushed or encouraged to Push themselves into Asan, workshops actively encouraging taking of selfies during the workshop in various poses…  Need I go on..  And all under the umbrella of ‘Yoga’.  THAT is the kind of ‘yoga’ I don’t want to be associated with; I teach intuitive movement perhaps I’ll say instead, or Pilates and mindfulness..  Yes, I too started with a 200 hour course but this was just The Start.  Hats off to anyone who can get onto teaching classes after that brief introduction (unless perhaps already with a vast amount of practice in more than just asan and education in A&P) but it’s not real.  And it’s giving ‘yoga’ a really bad reputation among people who actually give a shit about the connective, expansive and life changing side of this beautiful ancient tradition.  I know I’ve only less than a decade of experience here but I won’t claim to be anything more, I teach modestly and am quite open about my limitations, then if people return they can listen to how I can point only back to them for them to learn what it is they’re looking for.

 

For a simple example, paschimottonasana, seated forward bend; can you hold your big toes? How does holding your big toes make your WHOLE spine, shoulders, feet, etc feel?  Do you have a feeling of length through out or did you have to compress and contort something to get there?  I.e. is that congruent with your whole?..  Can you still breathe?  Does it even matter that you have your toes?!  Some hips and spines are that open, TBH, I don’t see that many in classes I teach; general bodies have been long deformed by chairs, sofas, cars and society.  Does YOUR body need to be in a deeper bend than him or her?  Do you need to master this posture to post it onto your or as a response to a celebrity teachers’ instawank?  Is that 5 seconds of pain necessary to inflict upon yourself?..  Are you enough aware about how to listen to yourself so you can hear how your body responds to this posture?  So you are aware if that’s the right place for you to be right now?  Or sorry, were you just after a stretch class?
fallingyoga
Picture of me on old yoga photoshoot punching above my weight trying to pose for pinchamayurasana – just in case things needed lightening up 😉

 

It’s the drive to go deeper into posture without regard for causing damage to the body; which for me, has been one of the most powerful realisations (which I keep coming back to!) about how the path of yoga moved from an exercise class (yes, this is how it started for me) into something a lot more.   Saying that, yes, I know by teaching the way that I do, I run the risk of bastardising some of the lineages of Asan; but for me, not taking into consideration that our overly sedentary Western bodies have simply (most of us) had different experiences during the formative years than past yogis, is bastardising the Yamas and Niyamas..  Social media has a lot to answer for about portraying a distorted view on what bodies ‘should’ look like and be capable of doing; smiling contortionists, getting all pretzeled up, just for the shot..  Unless you’re a dancer, gymnast, martial artist, moved properly your whole life (and have some degree of hypermobility) how really can one be able to sit comfortably and breathe in some of these postures?..  Hats off to those who can, love it!  But this doesn’t make up the majority in my UK based circles.

 

Too often I’ve seen and heard people aggressively being pushed or pushing oneself into postures, throwing our cells around and blaming yoga for our getting injured.  It troubles me to hear from students talking about teachers who are regularly showing off their postures, head standing in front of everyone before class has even begun, FFS, really?!  Whilst of course wearing the latest ‘in’ lycra, all a part of the modern ‘yoga’ brand.  Although I am in one vein, criticising this, in the other I hold space for it, as I’ve been there too.  Feeling the pull to go there still now at times (yes I appreciate aesthetics and pretty things!), it feels good to wear nice things!  But as teachers at least, I encourage you to question your motives sometimes.  It’s hot, I want to wear my abs out..!  Hmmm, yea but then those people who come to my class who aren’t all day movers get a distorted perception of healthy body image..  Those who maybe can’t afford much more than their gym membership get the feeling they don’t have enough money to buy into the ‘yoga’ world of looking good?..  Why and when did yoga become so exclusive?  When did all this get so mixed up?   Again, FFS..  I wear all sorts, but if I want to look sexy I keep it for my free time with the someone I want to look sexy for, not people who are coming to learn something with such a transformational edge with, it gives totally (for my style at least) the wrong impression.  Students are already at one’s mercy due to the set up of teaching, keep it pure, keep it real, keep your freaking EYES wide OPEN.  I’ve recently started teaching yoga classes to banging tunes, requirement of the particular studio, the message still transpires; breath in the asana, not just pushing the painful posture; banging beats, whale noises or silence..

 

For the past 7 years or so I tried so hard to fit into the yoga world, causing injuries, ignoring my desires for other pursuits and trying to keep up with the trends.  Now I say fuck it.  Fuck the clothing companies (I actually wrote to one about only having size 6 models and was told this is protocol.. Sweaty Betty your response was pretty lame and unsatisfactory), fuck the “I can touch my big toe”, fuck the contortion, fuck the perfect alignment, fuck the competition; give me the sensing, inside out awareness with less headfucks and back aches.  Each of those has it’s space in the world, let’s celebrate the differences for what they are?  Rather than what they claim to be..?

Love

Posted on

Somatic Unwinding

So far, the experience has been profound.  I’m feeling a need on some level to do some crazy exercise to shake it all up and get back into my past default in questing for muscular strength.  However, having just received a second 1:1 hands on session of Body Mind Centering, from the lead trainer Katy Dymoke, I’m just going to continue to lay on the floor and be with the tangled mess which is my inner body..  This beautifully sweet training, and supporting body work is helping me to unwind the world of pain felt in my body which; I had surrendered to needing to endure forever, now I’m not so sure.

nerves

It’s a crying shame that despite the amount of yoga and Pilates sessions I’ve received that there isn’t more of this information present.  I have just 2 teachers in each discipline whom teach from this perspective.  THIS is what it’s all about, not your abs, your yoga selfies or your legs a kimbo!..  I’m so exhausted, in a good way, hence why this is the only thing I’ve managed to publish through out my so far 2 weeks Somatics training, but more is coming!  Watch this space ..

Day 3 Nervous System, 2nd Session with Katy

Dropping in, listening..

Relearning how to hear.

A deep yearning for these pathways to clear!

To sense in(my)sides,

Of course before sensing the other may fully arise..

Organ support, how to purport?

After a life time of neglect,

6 short years means I’m not quite there yet..

So many feelings, mainly in my gut and head,

To hear, implicitly, impartially,

My body craving this in its totality.

I’m sorry, I’m here now..

No wonder it all hurts, for so long working as a disjunct and abstract organism..

It’s not just you dear muscles, ligaments and bones whom need to hold up this being.

It’s not just you dear organs, fluids and glands, whom cope with digestion, procreation and feeling..

As, all together, a synergy can persist,

Allowing ease, strength and harmony to exist.

Crossed messages, fibres and pain,

Never again can I move the same..

Posted on

What You Look Like Versus How You Feel

dsc_1368

For many, many years; a lot of my eating and exercising choices have been made on how I presume them to make me look, not always putting the value on how I feel.  Have your ever been more concerned about what you look like versus how you feel?!

Yes, I’ve had to eat and exercise to help the condition of Crohn’s which can sometimes raise it’s head and put me in hospital, or worried I’d need to go there again but still; it’s only just now with some more experiences and therapies that I can see more of the motivation behind many of my basic but essential life choices.

Having had food poisoning, alcohol poisoning, tannin reactions, stress reactions (generally this aggravates the special cells in my intestines the worst) lead to many ill feelings and skin conditions; I would do just enough in the ‘right’ direction to help me to feel better but wasn’t fully getting the WHY of these feelings and reactions from my body.  Call it a blessing or a curse, I seem to have a very fine tuned body which can either work tremendously well or go the other way pretty quickly too.christinerun1crop

Eating too healthily, avoiding this type of food, trying this type of diet (not necessarily one for keeping trim but to be ‘healthy’ for my guts too, which if I’m honest, always wound up with me at least not gaining any weight through fat); do this exercise, run a 10KM to get fit (photo left, 2008, possibly my worst year), do that training plan, this class..  It’s not been easy to regain my energy, full strength and vitality, whilst having my skin and hair express the same clarity but what I’ve learnt recently makes it all seem that much more simple..

The one thing (which was initially driven by my ego too, in order to get stronger than the other people in the class) which I have been consistent with as a way to FEEL good in my body and mind has been yoga.  Since my first class in London (I had done it before but was more into Pilates) about 6 years ago I was hooked; also very close to another hospital stay for my guts but it made me feel about a million times better each time, despite still hobbling out of class in some amount of pains.

Even yoga I’ve used as a tool to look muscular, or slim, or cool doing ‘the’ poses.  Which is probably why it bugs me so much to see all the instagram bollocks with selfies, self-promotion, expensive clothing brands to help you ‘look good’, and basic shameless bastardisation of this amazing science/art which has done so much in the making of me being alive and well today!..

So what’s changed now!? I listen.  I listen to my body, not just my head telling me, don’t have that it’ll make you fat; do that work out it’ll make you look more strong and muscular, train, workout, eat less, eat ‘healthy’; that’s bad for you, you need to do this to sculpt you..  My head, has many threads of pressure to ‘perform’ (work, life, love, play..), but this October (after the excessive tannin induced stint of winding up again with symptoms of system intoxication through ignoring the subtle messages of my body) I’ve gifted myself with enough space and time to sit back and listen.  Not forcing myself to work as much, or keep busy training or something during the quiet times.  Taking education from different diets (like the GAPS, Paleo, low tannin, anti-inflammatory, alkalising) to help give me the tools to understand how to nourish myself based on how I feel, to help clear the cloud of confusion walking into a shop or a cafe and not have to just walk out hungry coz I didn’t know what I felt like..  To not train so much, to let my fast twitch muscle fibres slow down a little bit and LET my body relax; to do more of the movements I can hear my body singing to!  To let myself self-regulate more on this internal compass rather than what I see around me.

I hear and see that for many people, it’s not about taking more time to relax but more time to energise; I see that some people have a different issue to this, but the answer is still the same; is what you’re doing (or not doing) feeling good?  Do you feel good in your body?  If not, change something, try something new which does feel good!..

For some people, this listening in has always been present; for others, we’ve needed to undo or are still undoing a LOT of interfering from the outside world.  Listening in takes time, and out of the confusion is where we can blossom into OUR truest nature, rather than the expectations of our surrounds.. And after all that, when you feel good, it oozes out of you and your face will radiate amazingness!

Posted on

Heart Listening Meditation

 

heart-med

Photo Credit Miguel Echievera

This Heart Listening Meditation can help you to release fears and anxiety, tune into your true self and express the best of you.  Whatever the struggle, these past few years have had the propensity to make or break many of us.  Many have left this Earth, left relationships, ‘stable’ careers, and homes; many changes still seem to be happening too..

Physically and physiologically I’m in better shape than possibly ever before; psychologically and emotionally possibly also too but, recently I’ve noticed the heavy feeling in my heart.  Perhaps this is from before but I wasn’t quiet enough to listen to it, or perhaps it’s more recent that my heart is feeling pained as I only came to notice it when sitting down for a few minutes self-healing before leaving to teach.

Your physical heart resides in the left hand side of your chest, the emotional or energetic centre in more in the middle of the chest at the bottom of the sternum (breast bone).  The left side is side to relate to the right side of our brains, which is said to be related to our more feminine, quiet, and intuitive qualities; for me, this left side has generally been a bit more disturbed on comparison to the right.

Once I had settled into my seat, it was almost like a firework of realisation went off in my mind!..  When did I last truly listen to my heart?!.  I realised I still was in need for some deeper introspection to move in beyond the pull of thoughts, judgement and the mind.. The mind is very smart, I thought I was feeling, but  this is different to actually feeling, listening, sensing and being aware of the more subtle layers..

The heart meditation my heart shared with me is too good and too easy not to share.

Sit, lay down, or however you can be comfortable and about 80% relaxed, so there is still an edge of alertness present.  Lightly place your hand on your heart (just above left boob or nipple is probably the easiest place to sense it, and see if you can follow your heart beat..

If you can’t at first it’s important to breathe and be patient, these things can take time..

Simply stay with that and send the intention of love from your hand(s) to your heart.

See if you can tune into the connected nature of it all through your physical body.  If that evolves to more subtle systems then allow whatever comes. If you wind up thinking then notice your thoughts, if it’s a story about hurt, love, pain, fun or anything else then notice it, and come back to listening to your heart beat. If anything keeps pulling at your attention then explore it at will, or simply write it down to make a note, but be conscious you’ve distracted from the listening.  For how long you want to do this is up to you.  Start with 5 minutes is my suggestion.  Try it and let me know how you get on!