When I was about 17 I was starting to get closer to a long-time flirting, high school time sweetheart. Within a couple of weeks, I cheated on him with his good friend. I was drunk and stupid and had no idea what I wanted out of a relationship. Since then, I’ve done a lot of growing up and much therapy work, and thus realise, there are different end goals you can aim for with relationships, it isn’t about just sex, or enduring a dull, drab monotony. Yes, I was a pretty, a hem, very, confused teenager (kinda normal huh..?).
He was angry, but in the long run, I remember this high school sweetheart still being kind to me, and at least treating me like a human, despite my error in actions.
This is one story of many about the people who I’ve acted unkind, selfish or in other ways suboptimally when I was younger; and yet, I still received kindness (not to be mistaken for being a pushover, he ditched me there and then, clearly!) from.
It’s funny how now, after having enough of a taste of how that feels, I finally feel like I get the point of being kind… As in, how to and, why one might want to genuinely express kindness. Of course, all spiritual, self-help, religious and other such media profess kindness, but reading about it and consciously acting it feels totally different.
I heard enough times and realised, truly, deeply realised, that you attract what you are and/or what you’re seeking. Over the years I’ve mostly had great people around me, good energy and such, however, there’s always been that guy and his drama and/or selfishness, or that wild and self-destructive close friend..
I was choosing to have that kind of vibe for my closest relationships, I was being self-destructive, treating guys like shit; being a kind person for the most part (debatable!), but, for the deep and meaningful parts, still being quite unkind.
So what’s changed?
Injury, hurt and a lack of kind; plus the flip side of that, being given enough kindness from others. I’m not sure why I was acting in such an mean way, directed both inwards and outwards.. My last relationship was emotionally abusive, it was with a mental guy who was paranoid and disturbed, mentally controlling and, hearing about his ex’s, if I would’ve stayed around, also physically dangerous too. Although for me, with a tendency to self care too little, the physical damage came all too easily to my sensitive body, through, self neglect.
I was going too fast and kept crashing, not taking time for myself and the more kind, nourishing and nurturing parts and people in my life. But, in hindsight, this was OK. Although yes, of course, it would’ve been nice to not have had to endure so much pain to come to this realisation, but the experiences I’ve gained along the way will hopefully keep me in good stead going forwards. If I wouldn’t have had this experience then I wouldn’t be me, and I wouldn’t perhaps be able to connect so well with all those hurt or hurting individuals I know as friends, clients and colleagues. A friend once said to me, whilst she was telling me a tale about her hard upbringing in South America, “You know, so many people I meet don’t seem to get it, but I can tell you can feel what I’m talking about”, or something along those lines; and this empathy at least for me, makes it all worth it.
So right now, as I nurse my physical (sacrum out of whack, over tight piriformis and hence not able to walk much so back to writing!) and emotional wounds (felt by my enteric/gut nervous system feels a lot of pain, still recovering from past hurt), I’m keen to reflect on how to keep myself free of this extreme self-inflicted need for rehab again…
It’s been the kindness of friends, family, teachers and strangers who have helped me to see how I can get myself together again. The glimpses of this over the years, when the actions and words of people have exceeded how I treated myself.. When the people I was attracting were perhaps charming on the surface but deep down really hurting and less than loving…
Full Moon in Virgo. This Sunday we’ll be having another full moon, it will be in the sign of Virgo. Virgo is known for it’s attention to detail and way of making sure everything is just so.
For me, so far already this year has been something monuMental, with many highs (matched by their opposite lows) and opportunities for growth. Growing being a sometimes painful process and leaving me simply want to scream, shout, hit out or run away to the forest or an Asian island beach. I’ve therefore been a little off track with things such as writing and creative pursuits in order to make the most of all the energies of this year thus far, hence this full moon in Virgo, indicating to take care and consideration over decisions and using ones intuition, is well received and heeded.
Is there anything you need to consider taking more care over this weekend? Did you set an intention at the new moon to realign to now? There’s been a lot happening for many of us, take stock this weekend and hold tight, there’s still much fun ahead!
This has been one of the hardest things I’ve written, yet. I’ve spoken to students and other teachers about this many times and the generalisation of the issue I pose, generally, centres around individuals and groups whom from the outside, have a lot in common with I. Thus, when criticising something which looks so close to home, one has to first have looked long and hard in the mirror. – actually, criticising anyone is usually a call to take a long hard look at oneself. But, let’s talk yoga..
However, I’m aware buttons may be pushed for some readers, do comment below, make suggestions for improvement, create a discussion if you disagree or agree. By no means in this 7 short years I’ve been practicing and studying yoga can I say I have read all the philosophy, solely studied it with intensity or fully embodied it; however, I have had the privilege of having some amazing teachers (taking many forms of actual teachers, students, injuries, etc) and the practice of what has been delivered to me as ‘Yoga’ has literally, saved my life. The basterdisation of ‘Yoga’ doesn’t feel good to me, it feels the opposite of what I’ve grown with and thus, for current students (including I), future students and many more beings in and around this practice; I feel a need to challenge some of the bullshittery around the Westernised version also known as ‘Yoga’, or Voga or WTF ever..
I was teaching less and less ‘yoga’ last year, still had a couple of consistent classes and clients but generally; I had been put off even telling anyone I teach it, even today my introduction doesn’t include ‘yoga teacher’ due to the connotations around that being in their abundance. My practices continues to evolve, in a profound way, this too can make it hard to share and sometimes, one needs to take time to fully embody what it is that’s happening as the internal and external world change alongside the practice, thus being mindful to not share a confused message.. Of the yoga classes I teach, it’s taken a long while to move into a place (with some of the regulars) where the space is available to offer more alternative ways to be in Asan (the ‘steady’, comfortable postures), allowing in the potential to drop concepts and conditionings around the general consideration about harder, faster and stronger being the better or only way..
The other reason I’ve found it hard to teach and focused more with Pilates has been this portrayal of the skinny/slim white girl bending over backwards, posing on Instagram, putting legs behind the head and calling it yoga. Even to view some websites when I’m looking for workshops to attend, WTF – really, why would I want to learn yoga from this person making shapes but somehow feels so far removed from the practice?.. Where’s the self-love and reflection?..
OK, so what makes me any different? Why criticise this? I’m different because I don’t give a fuck TBH about how my hair looks in asan, I’m not going to buy into the £100 legging fad, my main care is comfort not contort. I don’t have an Instagram account and I don’t see the point to post endless selfies trying to prove something. I did make a demo video a couple of years ago to help a friend with a project and have had requests to make them by other friends and companies, so I’m working on it, but I really don’t understand how you can transpire some of the teachings via non-face to face, energy to energy contact..? But let’s see, this isn’t a diss on technology!
I’ve heard so much from students, studio managers and other teachers about people getting taught ‘yoga’ by someone doing a headstand in front of the class before they’ve even begun, ‘the young 20 something slim girl coming back from a 200 hour training and taking all the yoga teaching jobs’, students getting Pushed or encouraged to Push themselves into Asan, workshops actively encouraging taking of selfies during the workshop in various poses… Need I go on.. And all under the umbrella of ‘Yoga’. THAT is the kind of ‘yoga’ I don’t want to be associated with; I teach intuitive movement perhaps I’ll say instead, or Pilates and mindfulness.. Yes, I too started with a 200 hour course but this was just The Start. Hats off to anyone who can get onto teaching classes after that brief introduction (unless perhaps already with a vast amount of practice in more than just asan and education in A&P) but it’s not real. And it’s giving ‘yoga’ a really bad reputation among people who actually give a shit about the connective, expansive and life changing side of this beautiful ancient tradition. I know I’ve only less than a decade of experience here but I won’t claim to be anything more, I teach modestly and am quite open about my limitations, then if people return they can listen to how I can point only back to them for them to learn what it is they’re looking for.
For a simple example, paschimottonasana, seated forward bend; can you hold your big toes? How does holding your big toes make your WHOLE spine, shoulders, feet, etc feel? Do you have a feeling of length through out or did you have to compress and contort something to get there? I.e. is that congruent with your whole?.. Can you still breathe? Does it even matter that you have your toes?! Some hips and spines are that open, TBH, I don’t see that many in classes I teach; general bodies have been long deformed by chairs, sofas, cars and society. Does YOUR body need to be in a deeper bend than him or her? Do you need to master this posture to post it onto your or as a response to a celebrity teachers’ instawank? Is that 5 seconds of pain necessary to inflict upon yourself?.. Are you enough aware about how to listen to yourself so you can hear how your body responds to this posture? So you are aware if that’s the right place for you to be right now? Or sorry, were you just after a stretch class?
Picture of me on old yoga photoshoot punching above my weight trying to pose for pinchamayurasana – just in case things needed lightening up 😉
It’s the drive to go deeper into posture without regard for causing damage to the body; which for me, has been one of the most powerful realisations (which I keep coming back to!) about how the path of yoga moved from an exercise class (yes, this is how it started for me) into something a lot more. Saying that, yes, I know by teaching the way that I do, I run the risk of bastardising some of the lineages of Asan; but for me, not taking into consideration that our overly sedentary Western bodies have simply (most of us) had different experiences during the formative years than past yogis, is bastardising the Yamas and Niyamas.. Social media has a lot to answer for about portraying a distorted view on what bodies ‘should’ look like and be capable of doing; smiling contortionists, getting all pretzeled up, just for the shot.. Unless you’re a dancer, gymnast, martial artist, moved properly your whole life (and have some degree of hypermobility) how really can one be able to sit comfortably and breathe in some of these postures?.. Hats off to those who can, love it! But this doesn’t make up the majority in my UK based circles.
Too often I’ve seen and heard people aggressively being pushed or pushing oneself into postures, throwing our cells around and blaming yoga for our getting injured. It troubles me to hear from students talking about teachers who are regularly showing off their postures, head standing in front of everyone before class has even begun, FFS, really?! Whilst of course wearing the latest ‘in’ lycra, all a part of the modern ‘yoga’ brand. Although I am in one vein, criticising this, in the other I hold space for it, as I’ve been there too. Feeling the pull to go there still now at times (yes I appreciate aesthetics and pretty things!), it feels good to wear nice things! But as teachers at least, I encourage you to question your motives sometimes. It’s hot, I want to wear my abs out..! Hmmm, yea but then those people who come to my class who aren’t all day movers get a distorted perception of healthy body image.. Those who maybe can’t afford much more than their gym membership get the feeling they don’t have enough money to buy into the ‘yoga’ world of looking good?.. Why and when did yoga become so exclusive? When did all this get so mixed up? Again, FFS.. I wear all sorts, but if I want to look sexy I keep it for my free time with the someone I want to look sexy for, not people who are coming to learn something with such a transformational edge with, it gives totally (for my style at least) the wrong impression. Students are already at one’s mercy due to the set up of teaching, keep it pure, keep it real, keep your freaking EYES wide OPEN. I’ve recently started teaching yoga classes to banging tunes, requirement of the particular studio, the message still transpires; breath in the asana, not just pushing the painful posture; banging beats, whale noises or silence..
For the past 7 years or so I tried so hard to fit into the yoga world, causing injuries, ignoring my desires for other pursuits and trying to keep up with the trends. Now I say fuck it. Fuck the clothing companies (I actually wrote to one about only having size 6 models and was told this is protocol.. Sweaty Betty your response was pretty lame and unsatisfactory), fuck the “I can touch my big toe”, fuck the contortion, fuck the perfect alignment, fuck the competition; give me the sensing, inside out awareness with less headfucks and back aches. Each of those has it’s space in the world, let’s celebrate the differences for what they are? Rather than what they claim to be..?
It’s been quite refreshing to see different public figures NOT talking about setting new years resolutions, but perhaps I’ve managed to miss it through my lack of engagement with the mainstream media..
A friend asked me this week what super intention I had set for the coming year (yes we use the ‘intentions’ terminology rather than resolution, as to claim not to do something for a year, I’ve learnt, is a pretty lame idea for me, tell me I can’t and I’ll probably have to do it just to break the rules). My response to this is to continue with the work I started 6 months ago, back in the June/July new moon, it’s all about me. I’d set the intention after my marriage-rebound relationship break up, as I’d realised my past error of never putting my needs first, and thankfully 6 months on I’m reaping the benefits of having a me centric life. Yes, there is someone I love and care for deeply in my life (as well as of course my family, friends, clients etc) but I’ll still never change this intention for the world.
My intention is to be the best of me, and to help those close to me to do the same. EmPower.
Personally, I don’t see the point in trying to stop yourself from doing something ‘bad’ for you, as there is psychology around why we choose to do ‘bad’ things to ourselves or others, and similar to the point I made in my other blog post; if you’re hurting, you’re not going to be good to anyone else, let alone yourself. I’ve quit smoking by seeing that it hurts me, it hurts my amazing body and these days, I’d rather nourish it than damage it. It CAN be and IS that simple. I decided to stop letting people take advantage of me and to express and request my worth, letting my world be all about me and let’s say I’ve never had better relationships with others now too.
So far, the experience has been profound. I’m feeling a need on some level to do some crazy exercise to shake it all up and get back into my past default in questing for muscular strength. However, having just received a second 1:1 hands on session of Body Mind Centering, from the lead trainer Katy Dymoke, I’m just going to continue to lay on the floor and be with the tangled mess which is my inner body.. This beautifully sweet training, and supporting body work is helping me to unwind the world of pain felt in my body which; I had surrendered to needing to endure forever, now I’m not so sure.
It’s a crying shame that despite the amount of yoga and Pilates sessions I’ve received that there isn’t more of this information present. I have just 2 teachers in each discipline whom teach from this perspective. THIS is what it’s all about, not your abs, your yoga selfies or your legs a kimbo!.. I’m so exhausted, in a good way, hence why this is the only thing I’ve managed to publish through out my so far 2 weeks Somatics training, but more is coming! Watch this space ..
Day 3 Nervous System, 2nd Session with Katy
Dropping in, listening..
Relearning how to hear.
A deep yearning for these pathways to clear!
To sense in(my)sides,
Of course before sensing the other may fully arise..
Organ support, how to purport?
After a life time of neglect,
6 short years means I’m not quite there yet..
So many feelings, mainly in my gut and head,
To hear, implicitly, impartially,
My body craving this in its totality.
I’m sorry, I’m here now..
No wonder it all hurts, for so long working as a disjunct and abstract organism..
It’s not just you dear muscles, ligaments and bones whom need to hold up this being.
It’s not just you dear organs, fluids and glands, whom cope with digestion, procreation and feeling..
For many, many years; a lot of my eating and exercising choices have been made on how I presume them to make me look, not always putting the value on how I feel. Have your ever been more concerned about what you look like versus how you feel?!
Yes, I’ve had to eat and exercise to help the condition of Crohn’s which can sometimes raise it’s head and put me in hospital, or worried I’d need to go there again but still; it’s only just now with some more experiences and therapies that I can see more of the motivation behind many of my basic but essential life choices.
Having had food poisoning, alcohol poisoning, tannin reactions, stress reactions (generally this aggravates the special cells in my intestines the worst) lead to many ill feelings and skin conditions; I would do just enough in the ‘right’ direction to help me to feel better but wasn’t fully getting the WHY of these feelings and reactions from my body. Call it a blessing or a curse, I seem to have a very fine tuned body which can either work tremendously well or go the other way pretty quickly too.
Eating too healthily, avoiding this type of food, trying this type of diet (not necessarily one for keeping trim but to be ‘healthy’ for my guts too, which if I’m honest, always wound up with me at least not gaining any weight through fat); do this exercise, run a 10KM to get fit (photo left, 2008, possibly my worst year), do that training plan, this class.. It’s not been easy to regain my energy, full strength and vitality, whilst having my skin and hair express the same clarity but what I’ve learnt recently makes it all seem that much more simple..
The one thing (which was initially driven by my ego too, in order to get stronger than the other people in the class) which I have been consistent with as a way to FEEL good in my body and mind has been yoga. Since my first class in London (I had done it before but was more into Pilates) about 6 years ago I was hooked; also very close to another hospital stay for my guts but it made me feel about a million times better each time, despite still hobbling out of class in some amount of pains.
Even yoga I’ve used as a tool to look muscular, or slim, or cool doing ‘the’ poses. Which is probably why it bugs me so much to see all the instagram bollocks with selfies, self-promotion, expensive clothing brands to help you ‘look good’, and basic shameless bastardisation of this amazing science/art which has done so much in the making of me being alive and well today!..
So what’s changed now!? I listen. I listen to my body, not just my head telling me, don’t have that it’ll make you fat; do that work out it’ll make you look more strong and muscular, train, workout, eat less, eat ‘healthy’; that’s bad for you, you need to do this to sculpt you.. My head, has many threads of pressure to ‘perform’ (work, life, love, play..), but this October (after the excessive tannin induced stint of winding up again with symptoms of system intoxication through ignoring the subtle messages of my body) I’ve gifted myself with enough space and time to sit back and listen. Not forcing myself to work as much, or keep busy training or something during the quiet times. Taking education from different diets (like the GAPS, Paleo, low tannin, anti-inflammatory, alkalising) to help give me the tools to understand how to nourish myself based on how I feel, to help clear the cloud of confusion walking into a shop or a cafe and not have to just walk out hungry coz I didn’t know what I felt like.. To not train so much, to let my fast twitch muscle fibres slow down a little bit and LET my body relax; to do more of the movements I can hear my body singing to! To let myself self-regulate more on this internal compass rather than what I see around me.
I hear and see that for many people, it’s not about taking more time to relax but more time to energise; I see that some people have a different issue to this, but the answer is still the same; is what you’re doing (or not doing) feeling good? Do you feel good in your body? If not, change something, try something new which does feel good!..
For some people, this listening in has always been present; for others, we’ve needed to undo or are still undoing a LOT of interfering from the outside world. Listening in takes time, and out of the confusion is where we can blossom into OUR truest nature, rather than the expectations of our surrounds.. And after all that, when you feel good, it oozes out of you and your face will radiate amazingness!
I’ve been recommended to take probiotic supplements for years; ever since I learnt that I had Crohn’s disease, friends and teachers have advised me to take this product or that product to repopulate my flora. The doctors have never told me to do so, I didn’t really appreciate what my flora is and it all seemed a bit much, so I didn’t bother. Still having symptoms and issues with digestion a few years ago, I was decided to try them! But, they didn’t seem to do anything (I got a generic Holland and Barretts one, I don’t think this is perhaps a good quality). People still kept talking about these things to me! At the start of the year, I bought some more, of a good quality from a health food shop. It was horrible! I was more bloated and farty than before so I didn’t take them for many days!..
A few months ago I came across the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet, it described my problems, was written by a doctor and thus seemed like my prayers for improved digestion had finally been answered!! Except, I had to go on a hugely restrictive diet with a shed load of animal fats included, which seemed counter intuitive to what I had learnt about alkalising and not going too heavy on animal fat (due to it’s inflammatory and acidifying effect on the body). There was so much science and sense in the ideology of it for the most part that I took the fundamental points, which were easy to apply into my daily life, and carried on being allowed to eat out and with friends! The main thing I took, ditch grains (even gluten free), unless you NEED that cake or pasta meal for mental health reasons haha, and consume a lot more probiotics. But note, that’s what’s currently working for me, we are all so different that it may or may not help you to try this.
You’ve possibly seen my post on Kefir, this book got me back into making my own (I flushed my milk mushrooms when I moved home last because EVERYTHING was too much of an effort when you have to move home), but also I started to use Sauerkraut (a live one) and to be able to continue with probiotics without making symptoms of bloating, constipation, gas, etc (all the things which make you want to die or simply NOT have a life in public!).
So, WHY take Probiotics? Why am I still pursuing and now publically sharing about this?
If you’ve had anti-biotics (i.e. kills bacteria, even those helpful ones in your gut which help digest and absorb the right stuff from your food), steroids, parasites in your gut, some kind of poisoning, constant IBS symptoms (Irritable Bowel Syndrome, i.e. just a shit digestion and the doctors can’t say why, hence it’s a sydrome..), any type of strong cancer or other therapy drug or treatment, wasn’t breast fed, regularly consumed NON-ORGANIC dairy or meat (as these too contain a heap of anti-biotics), been constantly or regularly sick with something it’s possible that your gut is imbalanced. As literally, you aren’t so much what you eat more than, what your gut is absorbing from what you eat (clearly if you’re living on burgers and chips, there’s not much nutrition there to start with!).. It’s what gets into your bloodstream through your intestines which is what is powering your body and mind; what gets into your bloodstream is controlled by what bacteria are in your gut, if they produce good nutrients on breaking down your food or, if they produce alcohol, opiates or other things which can plainly cause you to feel mental and not very nourished; it’s going to make a difference to the sensitive biochemistry of your body. This biochemical ‘fun’ can be expressed as skin problems like spots, rashes, welts, dryness; brain fog, sore joints and muscles, vision issues, and many more mental and physical disturbances.
Basically, bacteria are awesome, they’re on everything too. This is a good thing, we work in harmony together and help keep each other alive. It’s just when too many selfish/bad/pathogenic bacteria (rather than the symbiotic/good/healthy ones) end up making residence in our guts, we can feel less than our best and they basically run our show! IF we have a good amount of healthy bacteria, our guts are healthy, then we are healthy and, these good bacteria help to keep not just the ‘bad’ bacteria in check but also our immune system can stay fully optimal and we have a lot less physical and mental issues and dis-eases. Simple.
If any of this resonates with you, yes probiotics might well be helpful, if not then probably not. Mindset ALWAYS makes an X-factor of difference.
From my own trial and error, you read, I had issues at first but here’s some tips I learnt to make it easier, if you do want to try yourself, to see if they can help you a little (or a lot). Note, I’m not a doctor, this isn’t cause to bin your GP, don’t be a dickhead, use some common sense, especially if currently taking any medication or suffering from any condition, check with your doctor first!.
Consume first thing with some warm (not too hot as it’ll kill the little lovelies) lemon water, as I found if taken with lunch, those little darling just make a party in my guts and I bloated like a balloon (update, now my gut is more balanced I tolerate them at anytime). Eat something soon enough after to help them to have something to fuel them but go easy.
Get a good brand like Bio-Kult, one you know is going to still be alive and well and able to reach your intestines and not just give up half way.
To gently try first and support your bacteria day to day, try probiotics like Kefir, miso, kombucha, sauerkraut, kimchi. ALWAYS look for organic, where possible, especially for the kefir, as if not, you have antibiotics in the milk from the poorly treated cows; so it’s kind of an oxymoron to consume non-organic kefir!
Start with less, build up to ‘full dose’ after a few weeks, the packet should have instructions, if not check the manufacturer’s website.
Try for a few weeks to cut out refined sugar and minimise grains, this is because the ‘bad’ bacteria thrive on these products, as well as the bi-products of them, if you are imbalanced can just make things feel harder biochemically than they need to be. I cut out most sugars ages ago, have been a bit more diligent with sugar (added/refined) and sweet fruits (rather than acid ones which seem better on my digestion at least) and notice a massive decrease in bloating symptoms, bloating from gas is usually a bi-product from bacteria processing the foods in your gut. Apply common sense here.
If you’re on a healing drive, add a little miso, sauerkraut or something like that with each meal, keep topping up those symbiotic bacteria, moderately, if it feels good to do so. If not, then don’t!
Pre-biotics like different fibres etc can be useful to feel the bacteria, if you’re diet is a bit rubbish, look it up and balance this too.
Go easy. You can apply this to everything, less stress in your head = less stress in your body = healthier body which is better able to manage itself and balance appropriately.
Keep trying things out! Be consistent with any changes/additions/removals of dietary things for a couple of months to see if it does help but else if it’s not working, “next”! As I said before, you have a different life, body and needs to me, I can tell you what’s helped me but there’s no saying if it’ll work for you. Try it and see for yourself!
This Heart Listening Meditation can help you to release fears and anxiety, tune into your true self and express the best of you. Whatever the struggle, these past few years have had the propensity to make or break many of us. Many have left this Earth, left relationships, ‘stable’ careers, and homes; many changes still seem to be happening too..
Physically and physiologically I’m in better shape than possibly ever before; psychologically and emotionally possibly also too but, recently I’ve noticed the heavy feeling in my heart. Perhaps this is from before but I wasn’t quiet enough to listen to it, or perhaps it’s more recent that my heart is feeling pained as I only came to notice it when sitting down for a few minutes self-healing before leaving to teach.
Your physical heart resides in the left hand side of your chest, the emotional or energetic centre in more in the middle of the chest at the bottom of the sternum (breast bone). The left side is side to relate to the right side of our brains, which is said to be related to our more feminine, quiet, and intuitive qualities; for me, this left side has generally been a bit more disturbed on comparison to the right.
Once I had settled into my seat, it was almost like a firework of realisation went off in my mind!.. When did I last truly listen to my heart?!. I realised I still was in need for some deeper introspection to move in beyond the pull of thoughts, judgement and the mind.. The mind is very smart, I thought I was feeling, but this is different to actually feeling, listening, sensing and being aware of the more subtle layers..
The heart meditation my heart shared with me is too good and too easy not to share.
Sit, lay down, or however you can be comfortable and about 80% relaxed, so there is still an edge of alertness present. Lightly place your hand on your heart (just above left boob or nipple is probably the easiest place to sense it, and see if you can follow your heart beat..
If you can’t at first it’s important to breathe and be patient, these things can take time..
Simply stay with that and send the intention of love from your hand(s) to your heart.
See if you can tune into the connected nature of it all through your physical body. If that evolves to more subtle systems then allow whatever comes. If you wind up thinking then notice your thoughts, if it’s a story about hurt, love, pain, fun or anything else then notice it, and come back to listening to your heart beat. If anything keeps pulling at your attention then explore it at will, or simply write it down to make a note, but be conscious you’ve distracted from the listening. For how long you want to do this is up to you. Start with 5 minutes is my suggestion. Try it and let me know how you get on!
There IS an ease about which this body can move.