Category: Mental Wellbeing

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Less Like Hard Work

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I’ve been working with an intention for the last 3 weeks to not work so hard.  I know I know!  My work is on a freelance basis, therefore one needs to work really hard to make it happen (it’s ok mum, I’m doing great with work)..  Getting places on time.  Being in a committed relationship, this too requires work, and, personal development plays a big part in my life, always working hard to be the best I can be.  Friendships require effort and attention, and so does physical yoga and Pilates practice, Meditation and studying a nutritionist diploma.  Life can be hard work!

Any of that sound familiar?!

So here’s where things have started to shift for me and how not working so hard has been the ultimate blessing for my productivity and creativity..  I regularly go for 1:1 sessions with the wonderful Kate Ellis (look her up for amazingness in and around deep yoga journeying), and one thing she observed, which I now feel I observe in many around me, is the drive to work really hard!  To be strong and make things happen!

I grew up with the mantra to work hard for what I wanted, be that physical achievements, work, studies or relationships.  Reflecting, I’ve achieved really well from my degree, several decent jobs and many other qualifications now under my belt; I’ve been married for over 2 years and I feel I have a beautiful set of friends I love and appreciate.  I worked F-ing hard to get to where I am now, sitting in my yoga dojo in my warm and lovely home; and I’m grateful for all my hard work and that of those around me to help me get to here.  However, I’m now learning, there is a different way…

Downfalls of working excessively hard: Fatigue, tiredness, stress (leading to development of Crohn’s disease for me), control issues, sore and tight muscles and generally an absence of the lightness in life.

It doesn’t have to be this way..

So, this last 3 weeks experiment of not working so hard have been some of the hardest 3 weeks of my life to date!  Learning to let go, properly let go of things, express what bothers me (rather than swallow it and tell myself I need to work harder to avoid certain feelings) be open to opportunities but stop trying to make so much work and happen all at once; being able to trust that I do have enough work, more is coming to me and that I teach awesome classes and am a great friend and wife without having to spend so much energy.  Among the challenge and the bouts of major anxiety I can finally feel not working so hard working for me..  Life is unfolding in a much more natural way and my own practice and teaching have just spun off to a whole new level of awareness and spaciousness; holding a space rather than trying to fill it with the best solutions I could find.  Friends and relationships will stay if they’re meant to be, meeting up with someone doesn’t need to be a chour but an easy meeting when and where paths are crossing and vibrations resonate.

Does any of this echo for you?  Are you exhausted with life?  Try taking a step back and let it come to you.  Trust me, as a freelancer getting over an unhealthy relationship with money and self worth, it’s hard not chasing every lead; but relaxing, trusting and staying more open and focused to the now, has invited in more work and better clients than I could have found marching the streets of London for 10 years, wearing a body poster.  Lol, funny but unnecessary image.

Watch, Listen and Learn from yourself.  Stop forcing that yoga posture, stop forcing yourself to perform like a circus monkey.  Be full present in Each and Every Moment.  Honor your softer side in balance and harmony with your harder edge..

With love xxx

P.s. I don’t mean stop getting out of bed, turning up for work or calling your friends!  Apply effort that feels nourishing.  Be kind to you.

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Candle Meditation

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One of the most enLightening (excuse the pun) meditations, for me, is the Candle meditation.  Couldn’t be simpler and yet neither more beautiful and effective to calm the mind and bring you into the present.

Set yourself a timer, if you’re new to meditation make it 5 minutes only, if you  have more experience and feel able to give more time then set longer, up to 30 minutes, but be modest so you put the time aside without worry.

Light a candle, one with an open, naked flame (probably better a pillar or stick candle, but tea light also works).

Sit about 1 or 2 foot away from your candle  and start your timer.

Setting a timer means you can let go of the mind thinking it needs to be busy or controlling the situation, thus easing into the time you’ve set aside.  Make sure you’re alert and not hungry or thirsty when you start to help you to stay still.

If you get distracted by thinking or trying to do something else, remind yourself it’s only for a few minutes and go back to watching the flame; see it dance and change and flow with every moment..  If you keep getting distracted, then notice where your distractions take you, if needs be pause the timer and write down what came up but get right back to the candle!

The hardest thing is starting the timer, if you can get to that point you’re winning.  Let me know how you get on!

Love

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Mother Ayahuasca, round 5

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Coming back to the subject of ceremony with medicine, I’ve heard of a few cases of whimsical usage of the medicine and thus some perspectives to be tainted.  Of course, it’s not going to be for everyone and it’s important that you must know your Shaman is someone you can trust – word of mouth generally offers a good recommendation..

I wrote in my previous plant medicine blog about my first retreat drinking the sacred vine, as known as Ayahuasca (along with it’s counter part the Chacruna leaf), to induce a healing from the inside out.  This healing is usually accompanied by a felt sense (felt differently for each individual) of el madre, or ‘the mother’ which is one of the effects of the medicine going to work on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and or other bodies of your existence.

This most recent experience again has served me kindly and gently, after 4 cups (usually 1 or 2 is enough..) of the not so pleasant tasting medicine, I found myself once again on a journey, a journey of my body.  It’s never hit me with explosive vomiting or toileting as means of the releasing; my purging again this time being based on movement and laughter..  Having been guided by the shaman, who was new to me, my depth of appreciation for this +2000 year old ceremony has once again grown..

I could feel the medicine working in my stomach and intestines; for the whole duration I felt nauseous, perhaps sometimes before one is ready to purge one’s bowels the medicine and moment has to be right..  As told by the shaman that it’s probably only a matter time, perhaps more work needs to be undone on my path before the medicine is ready to help me release my gastro associated workings.. The geometric patterns, stars on the ceiling and overwhelming sense that in every moment ANYTHING is possible; the squirming, leg shaking, finger twisting, skull exploring motions that again wouldn’t let my body sit still like most other internally journeying participants..  All for my interpretation pointing to the fact I’m in exactly the right field of work, with a need to further explore the physical!  But there’s something in my guts still not budging..

Makes sense if I’m 100% honest with myself, I am still exploring an interesting relationship around eating (having my Crohn’s mostly under wraps)  an oral persona to play out..  I thought I could get away with once again denying to myself and others that I still have work to do here, but the medicine, the mother, knows..  I am the kind of person who craves an authentic life and the medicine has helped me to once again, shine a light on the parts of me which were being disingenuous to this treasured trait.  The joy and sometimes the woe of Ayahuasca, it gives you just what you need, which may be the furthest point away from what you think you need!

May the integration of lessons continue, the real journey starts now ceremony is over!..

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WTF Can I do?..?

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WTF can I do?..

When I see her less than 20 dressed in dominatrix and pulling off a solvent for kicks..

Him so scared that he bullies the old man by-standing, playing out previous abuses that still traumatise him..

Her now not with us, at 14 gang raped and led to a life doomed by her druggy escape..

Him defecating and throwing it all over his room, I have no idea the emotional or physical disturbances to him that’s been done..

 

How can we shine a light on this?

Because really our children growing up like this takes more than the piss!

But the truth is it doesn’t start with the kids, it might have been their family man who endured a similar kind of kicks..

Kicks of another, playing out the poison they too were made to endure..

 

Cycles coming into fruition.  To do SOMETHING I make it my mission.

But how?

I can’t be a bystander and watch,

Imagine it was you or me at the hand of an evil touch..

 

Wouldn’t you want someone to help?

Help in breaking the cycles from an in humane hell..

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Yoga being the seed for creation

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Truth be told, although yoga IS a way of life, a way of living, breathing and being in the world, which I much admire; I haven’t made the time or felt I’ve had the stamina to self-practice in the physical sense (or even go to another’s class!) for months, probably as long as my blog writing has been waning too..  Coming into full time self-employment has been more time and energy consuming than I realised (although I am still in utter gratitude for my path in life here!)..

..This morning something shifted..

I’m not sure if it was familial visits, talking with good friends, taking naps, a new multivitamin or all of the above but today, I had the energy for Asana practice; and the world is a much brighter place again for it.  Despite having numerous classes to prepare for and beyond today being totally packed with other things to do, I feel really amazing and able to deal with life again.  My physical yoga practice being to thank for this.  It’s a shame I had to leave it for so long; but sometimes you need the space from something beautiful to miss it and realise what it is you’ve been blessed with..

Suddenly, again, I can prep for all my yoga, Pilates and meditation classes with ease, flow and purpose.  The worries of tomorrow don’t seem so close and I can again BREATHE EASY..  Almost a tear jerker in realising how much I have missed this spaciousness, for so long..  Re-igniting the flame of my creative capacity..

Thus, if you’ve also fallen off the self-love, self-mastery, self-energising wagon and have a feeling of it’s all too much.. Find your discipline and use it in your favour.  If you’re not sure what I’m writing about, then perhaps it’s time you stumbled into a yoga or meditation class of your own.  This stuff is better than any drug or drink on the open or black markets!

Namaste, breathe bright and everything’s again alright xx

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The “L” Vitamin

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Researching about depression for my Nutritional diploma and I came across this.  Wouldn’t you agree?  If not, I prescribe upping your dose and reassess:

Vitamin L (The Love Vitamin)

“..as coined by humanologist, Bethany ArgIsle.  One of the most important nutrients for optimum health is a daily dose (or more) of Love.  This vital human emotion/expression/ experience is necessary for the optimal functioning of people and all of their cells tissues, and organs.  It is found in most of nature – in foods, domestic animals, friends, and family – and is used to heal a wide variety of diseases.  There are no toxic effects, but deficiency can cause a wide range of ailments.. .

.. ..This vitamin acts as the ‘Universal’ vitalizing energy.. ..is particularly important to heart function and the circulation of warmth and joy.  Digestion is very dependent on appropriate doses of vitamin L, as is the function of the nervous system.  Adrenaline, the brain endorphins (natural tranquilizers and energizers), and other hormones are enhanced by vitamin L as well.”

 

Quoting from Staying Healthy with Nutrition, E. M. Haas, M.D. pg149

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We all need a little extra care sometimes..

caree

How are you?  Really, not how are your problems but how are you feeling?  Consider this a rhetorical question; as the only person who can give us what we need is our self.  However, sometimes, when everything feels a bit overwhelming, it can help to have the objective input from another..

Sometimes even those who provide support (which is a lot of us!) need someone to share a bit of energy and love back their way. It may not be how we expect, but energy is energy – a hug, a smile, a conversation or in silence, a shoulder or even an amazing reflexology/Reiki, yoga or meditation session – every moment and intention helps..

Many thanks to the “The Hackney Healer“, Karen Ryx, today – another wonderful facial reflexology session; from fighting with tears to a true smile in my world.  Now to continue my own internal work, but having that short time ‘holiday’ from the chaos which can stir up inside, helps me to see again my own path and strength.

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Love me, Hate me

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Love me or hate me, why do I feel so strongly about those people who slate me?

“She’s so slim, strong, young, smart, blonde, and not so much fun..

“A mess, a tyrant, uncoordinated, inarticulate and generally obtuse or too acute.”

 

O wow what a state I was in, hating the fact that I’m no longer so thin.

The fact I was born into this skin with little need or want to lie,

Not comprehending it when I call out the hidden in others, but then, I’d end up the one wanting to cry..?

 

I didn’t realise the ability we all possess to lie inside,

I thought everyone wanted to out that lie, to help find a truer peace with which the soul can abide?

But I guess I was wrong, I hold my hands up every time it’s realised and admit this humanness gets the better of me.

 

All that matters now for me, is that I’m honest with myself and express with authenticity,

The only person I need to impress in this life is this one on the higher inside.

Love me, hate me, it’s none of my business in reality…

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The whole truth, or only the inspirational parts?

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Being an instructor, teacher, coach or therapist puts one in a position where your clients want to listen to what you say.  Be it about how to move more freely with consciousness, how to balance your diet or, whatever the subject matter may be, it is an honor to be in such a position.  However, with this comes a responsibility to be ultra conscious about what you say, regardless whether you’re expressing opinions or facts about your chosen subject or way of living.

The question I have is how do we balance being authentic with our clients, whilst still maintaining the ability to stay up-beat and ‘positive’, even when we may feel like curling up and having a cry? (Obvs within moderation with everyone, not just clients!)

Would it be incorrect of me as a yoga instructor to share my flaws when they arise? Or as a nutritionist (in the making) to share my challenges in maintaining optimal nutritional health?  Am I being genuine with my clients if I only show them the best of me and hide the things which have made me compassionate in the first place?

What is the most important thing to share with your clients?  Is it the whole truth so they can see you’re not so different?  Or only share the ‘lighter’ side?

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Expectancy Vs. Expectation


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Expectation:

  • a strong belief that something will happen or be the case.
  • “reality had not lived up to expectations”

Expectancy:

  • the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something good, will happen.
  • “they waited with an air of expectancy“

Did you know there was a difference between them?  I didn’t until last week!  All I was aware of was to drop your expectations of people, things, life in general.  “Don’t expect anything except animal behavior” is one of my favorites (thanks bro); so for this part of my [more] conscious journey I intended to live with limited hopes..

But, it turns out I was wrong!  Having an expectancy for something we’d prefer to happen to happen, rather than an expectation for the mathematical formula we’ve calculated for life and how it should pan out seems to be it!  One can have the hopeful feeling that anything can and may happen in your favor..

 

Have you ever heard of the Expectancy theory?

According to Wikipedia** it “..proposes that an individual will decide to behave or act in a certain way because they are motivated to select a specific behavior over other behaviors due to what they expect the result of that selected behavior will be.  In essence, the motivation of the behavior selection is determined by the desirability of the outcome..

..Expectancy theory is about the mental processes regarding choice, or choosing. It explains the processes that an individual undergoes to make choices..”

 

* As stated by the current Google definition for expectancy and expectation

** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expectancy_theory